I spend a lot of my time with individuals and couples who are struggling with infertility. The vast majority of the research on the psychological aspects of infertility are focused on women. Yet most of them have a male partner who remains mostly silent. But don't confuse their silence with a lack of pain.

I have handed tissues to many men who are suffering tremendously with their infertility. It doesn't matter if it is an egg issue, a sperm issue, or a combo of the two. Going through infertility as the male partner is a complicated and often lonely process. First of all, most men are loathe to discuss their problem with any of their friends. Although many infertile women can't stop talking about their problem, and readily share details with family and friends alike, their partners usually keep their experiences to themselves. It just doesn't seem to fit in with the normal male-speak of sports and politics. Second, a lot of the men in an infertile couple feel that they need to be the rock in the relationship. I have had many husbands sit in my office, devastated by the latest negative pregnancy test, but vow to not burden their wives with their pain because as one of them said to me, 'If I fall apart, then there is no one strong in our relationship. One of us needs to hold it together.'

In couples where there is a significant sperm problem, most modern treatments involve basically making the wife super-fertile to compensate. So in effect you take a reproductively normal woman, give her injectable medications so that she produces multiple eggs, surgically remove those eggs, and then inject one sperm into each egg. The wife might well feel resentful that she has to be poked and prodded even though she is normal, and the husband is probably overcome with guilt that she has to go through so much because of his problem. But frequently neither expresses those emotions, leaving them both to suffer in silence.

So Father's Day can be as much of an agonizing day to the men in infertile couples as to women on Mother's Day. The drive to be a dad is strong, and many people tend to forget the feelings of the man as they pursue their journey to be parents. So this Father's Day, please remember that every man who wants to be a dad has not yet reached that goal. Provide support, encouragement, and most of all share his sorrow.