For me, the last—fear of recurrence—is hardly an empty worry and there’s no subtracting it.  Yet, how I manage that worry makes a big difference. I regard it as background noise, sometimes faint, sometimes blaring, depending on the trigger. Feel a touch more fatigued, ignore a nagging back ache, or hear news of a friend’s relapse and my equanimity skips a beat.  Hit me with a couple of ambiguous mammograms (which, so far, have turned out to be only calcifications) or catch sight of a failing patient my age in the oncology waiting room and up cranks the volume.  

If only making peace with the uncertainty weren’t so difficult. Like many survivors, I often walk the fine line between knowing there are no guarantees and irrationally expecting them. Comfort comes in trusting my team of doctors has taken all the right steps: the surgeries, the radiation, no chemotherapy, and 5 years on an aromatase inhibitor. So does recalling my moderately low Oncotype DX score, a diagnostic tool geared to early stage, hormone receptor positive breast cancer patients that predicts the risk of recurrence and benefits from chemotherapy. (Read more about how this lab test shaped my treatment decisions.)  

Still, with all this on my side, I’m the one who must take my finger off the “replay button.” If that fails enter Barrie, my Sioux City, Iowa-born mom and her no-nonsense, loving refrain: “Better to learn from the past than relive it.”  Comforting, common sense that works like a charm.  All I have to do is recall her words for the next time...and the next...

Visit Laurie's Website