A few nights ago, a wise cracking Jon Stewart observed the President and First Lady's date night in New York, and told the President to 'crank it down a notch.' In other words, Stewart was ribbing Barack Obama for making it hard on men, in general, by setting such a high standard of marital conduct. His statement was a joke, of course, but it did recognize that a Presidential marriage does set a model for the rest of the nation. It's pretty ironic since no situation could be more singular than being the first African American President living in the White House with a highly educated and accomplished wife (who had been his boss) and two small children.

Nonetheless, the impact is real. We watch President Obama treat his wife with utmost respect and we watch her gently chide, kid, and guide him. They have a playful relationship that is not sidelined by, arguably, the most important job in the world. One does not doubt that they are even more affectionate in private and that they have a connection that is both companionable and sexual. They radiate happy marriage.

Now that is a high bar. We've gotten so used to melodramas about marriages on the rocks and hand wringing about the state of matrimony in America that we really don't know what to do with a model of a marriage that is smokin'. The recipe, however, is not so mysterious that we can't replicate it: Take two smart people who have self esteem and purpose in the world and insert a man who likes to spend time with his wife and doesn't let his work eclipse his relationship. (Now, if he can do it, what excuse do other husbands have?) At the center of the relationship is obvious mutual admiration and shared values, including a devotion to two energetic and bright young daughters. Doesn't sound that hard to do, does it?

Of course the Obama's don’t have financial worries that often keep couples at odds, but they do have a few other things on their plate, like nuclear threats from North Korea, political unrest throughout the Middle East, and conflict over health care reform at home...to name just a few preoccupying issues. Still, they keep time for each other and time for their children. They obviously need one another's counsel and support. Why? Because the basic ingredient of all relationships is mutual respect and they have plenty of it. And that, to me, is the core part of this famous marriage.

So, I rarely disagree with Jon Stewart, but this time I will. President Obama does not place the bar too high. We've just been keeping it too low. Respect, love, affection, shared purpose, and time together...not such a hard formula -- we just have to adopt it!