We’ve recently had a lot of media attention focused on the lives of women in America thanks to Maria Shriver, Time magazine, MSNBC, and a host of other media outlets. The Shriver Report detailed issues such as the percentage of women in the workforce, how women feel about their lives, and what is expected of them. Time used other sources to document many of the same statistics, and to comment on what lives of American women were like 30 years ago compared to today. And MSNBC has had its own coverage of the challenges women in the U.S. are still facing.

Here is an issue that stands out to me…

A pundit on television said some of the  new research shows that women are feeling scared, overwhelmed with all of the expectations at work and at home, and think they should have more balance in their lives.

My response to that?

Well ye-ah! Sometimes life is scary and busy, and a lot is demanded of women. But being scared is way better than having your head in the sand or waiting for Prince Charming to make everything work out in your life. Who ever said opportunity does not come with expectations? Success is not a right for anyone…man or woman. It’s something we have to make happen for ourselves. 

And forget balance. It’s a myth. God forbid women should think they are succeeding! Let's give them a myth to buy into, so instead of owning their power and seeing what they are doing right, they get all upset over what they might be doing wrong!
 
This kind of thinking is not good for us.

I know things are not perfect for women in the workplace; nor at home, for that matter. Things aren't perfect for me, either. But just when we get significantly into the 'game,' -- just when we made strides that better allow us to reach our potentials and put a hand out to other women to reach theirs -- we are hearing that women are overwhelmend and scared and out of balance.

Give me a break!

Women are powerful, determined, and tenacious. My girlfriends, daughter, step-daughter, and daughters-in-law are the hardest workers and best parents, aunts, and mentors I have ever met. And they all laugh, have fun, and expect life to be neither perfect nor balanced!

As a cognitive behaviorist I know that our thoughts affect our feelings and our feelings affect our behaviors. If I think -- no matter how successful I may be, no matter how organized I may be, or how efficient I am at work and at home -- that I am still not measuring up to some standard of perfection or balance, than I am shortshrifting what is really right in my life. In other words, I feel like a failure when, in fact, I am a success.

When I’m scared because I do not want to fail at work or home, I need to honor that feeling; it’s a survival skill. I need to see my fear as a 'power boost,' listen to it, strategize, make a plan, and execute the steps of my plan to success. Life does not come to us in some calibrated way. It comes with twists and turns,and waves of  both opportunity and difficult challenges. This is normal. This is how life is…and we need to see the opportunity in each of these waves.

I am thankful to Maria Shriver for giving us good information and data, and I’m thankful to all of the media organizations that are doing the same.  The issues are finally on the table. NOW LET'S BE SOLUTION DRIVEN!

We have the ability to choose our thoughts. We need not worry about controling every event, we just need to make the choice to control our responses.

We can choose to see what is right with our selves and our situtions, and build on those strenghs. Let's not be seduced into allowing this historically sexist culture to tell us women are are failing when we are actually succeeding. Let's use our power,  energy, intelligence, and determination to keep this movement of equality going. I think we are about halfway there.

Ultimately, feminism is about family values. I want my granddaughters and grandsons to live in a world of diversty, driven by the power that is within each individual to make strategic choices about how to succeed. I want us all to be defined by our  internal strengths. And this starts with seeing what is right within us, knowing that neither we nor our life cirsumstances will ever be perfect -- and do not need to be perfect -- in order to have success at home or at work. 

Life is a paradox. The more we try to be perfect the less we are. The more we think the world should be perfect the less our world will be. And sadly, the more we buy into some of the old ways of thinking, the less successful and happy we will be. A great life is about using all we've got, blowing past our own issues, seeing what is right with ourselves and our lives, and building on those strengths. And if we are smart, we learn the most when we have been scared, overwhelmed, and out of balance!