My eight-year-old daughter Katie and I were watching Today the other morning and there was a segment on the domestic violence situation between singers Rihanna and Chris Brown. I wasn't all that comfortable that she was watching it, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it by changing the channel. I was sort of hoping that she wasn't paying close attention or that, if she was, she wouldn't understand it. However, at the end of the segment, my daughter said that Rihanna wasn't being smart, but that our former nanny had been. And both statements are true.

You see, our family was thrown into the world of domestic violence almost three years ago. The fact that Katie not only remembers it, but could apply it correctly in context, probably is a reflection of how awful that time in our life was. To make a long story short, we found out one terrible day that our nanny was a victim of domestic violence and had been for awhile. Because her situation had escalated, she left our employ and the area to protect herself. When she left, my husband and I simply told our two girls that the nanny's boyfriend had hit her and that it was safest for her to move far away.  

I was at work the day after our nanny's sudden departure and was still totally shaken by the whole turn of events. I spoke with a co-worker and told her that it shocked me that our nanny -- who I knew in my heart and soul truly loved my girls -- had, in effect, put both herself and my daughters in danger. My co-worker asked me why I was surprised and reminded me that women put themselves and their own children in mortal danger every day. If so many women don't leave these men when their own children are at risk, why would I expect my nanny to do anything differently?

I was stunned by this logic, and it told me how huge a hold these terrible men have over their women. It feels counter-intuitive; isn't our highest priority as mothers the health and safety of our children? Don’t most moms declare that they would jump in front of a bus to save their kids? If mothers supposedly would do anything for their children, how can so many stay with a violent partner who threaten their safety and the lives of their children on a daily basis? 

Rihanna is being urged by Oprah to break off her relationship and Oprah is devoting a live show this week to domestic violence. Some in the media anticipate a backlash against Rihanna if she chooses to stay with Chris. But it will take an enormous amount of inner strength, resilience, and self-esteem for her not to do so. These men take manipulation to a new level. They intuitively know what to say to keep their victims by their side and under their control.

There are signs of impending abuse: your partner becomes territorial about you and wants to know where you are at all times, he voices irrational jealousy and might accuse you of cheating on him, he tries to keep you from spending time with family and friends, or he makes comments to put you down only then to tell you how much he loves and needs you. If you notice any of these red flags, it is time to consider ending the relationship while you still have the confidence to do so. Don't let him wear you down. And if he ever ever does anything to hurt you, run as fast as you can from him and everything he stands for. Your life is at stake.