A friend of mine told me that -- according to a recent poll in one of the parenting magazines -- 60 percent of women are angry at their husbands most of the time. And just yesterday, two of my patients said the same thing: that they find themselves frustrated and impatient with their life partners virtually all the time.

What is going on? Are guys really that bad? I don't happen to think so. When relationships reach this crossroad, I find both partners are usually at fault.

When I'm counseling a patient who is in a relationship, one of the most important things I try to drive home is the necessity of seeing things from the other person's point of view. It's essential to understand that you are not always right, that you don't always see things the same way he does, and -- if you want something done in a certain way -- you need to specify because your partner cannot read your mind.

So if you and your spouse are sometimes at odds, here are a couple of tips to help make this Valentine's Day a happier one:

1. Don't always see the cup as half empty. We are all so quick to point out our mate's flaws, but do we notice when he does nice things? One of my patients told me yesterday that she could not remember the last time she complimented her husband. Yet in her own words, he is a wonderful father, a loving husband, does at least half of the household work (which, in my opinion, is quite simply astonishing), and is an all around nice guy. Let me tell you: If you look at decades of research on human behavior, humans don’t change their behavior to avoid punishment nearly as much as they change their behavior to get rewarded. If you want your partner to do something differently, you are going to have far more success if you notice and make a big deal out of the times he does something right instead of criticizing him when he does something wrong. Telling him how appreciative you are whenever he makes an effort will do you both a world of good.

2. No matter how much he loves you, or how much you love him, know that he simply can't read your mind. Which means your seething with anger because he didn't offer to bring home a pizza/forgot to ask about your mom's colonoscopy/failed to anticipate your need for dark chocolate on the 27th day of your cycle/didn't offer to give you a massage the day your bossed yelled at you, does not mean he is a jerk. It means that he can't anticipate your needs. If you have a need, spell it out. (Now, if you tell him specifically and he neglects to do anything, then you can see the….)

Being in a relationship is work, no doubt about it. But if you take a step back, focus on being fair, and truly remember that it takes two to tango, this might just be your best Valentine's Day yet.