Most Recent Blog Posts

• Join Me in the Fight Against G Join Me in the Fight Against Global Whining

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    I have been teaching stress management for over twenty- five years and have seen a major shift in how stress is defined. When I first began my career, stress was randomly used by the population at large to define  dangerous situations. Over the years, it has become a metaphor for daily life. We actually have begun to define ourselves by how much stress we have on a daily basis, often misconstruing our feelings of frustration at having to wait a few extra minutes at the drive-thru as if we were being attacked by a mountain lion. Our feelings of distress are exacerbated by sharing our negative feelings with friends and family, who then share their stress. I call it 'comparative suffering,' or 'global whining.' It is almost as if we have come to define ourselves by our stressors. We have become 'human doings' rather than 'human beings.'

     

    There is no doubt that life has become more difficult as a result of the many roles we have been asked to play. My Italian grandmother spent most of her day planning for and shopping for meals, doing laundry, taking care of her home, and maintaining connections to friends and family. Today, we do all of that — and plus, plus, plus. Our complex lives are costing us in increased anxiety, depression, and lowered immune responses. There are answers, but they take some vigilance and awareness of how and what we are doing with our lives.  

     

    I hope to be a concerned and helpful partner in helping you to create a healthy, fulfilling life through my studies in positive psychology, humor, and the development of discovering passion and meaning in your life. Meanwhile, don't wait to have fun, but rather 'become the fun you are seeking.' And remember:'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift —that's why they call it the present.”

  • Blog post
  • 6 months ago
  • Views: 112
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• The Meaning of Father's Day to The Meaning of Father's Day to a Daughter Who Has Never Been "Daddy's Little Girl"

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    Every year when Father's Day rolls around I find myself reminiscing -- not over what wonderful memories I have about spending time with a great Dad, but rather the sadness I have felt over the years about never being called 'Daddy’s little girl.'

    My mother and father got divorced when I was six years old. I remember my dad standing in the doorway, suitcase in hand, telling me he would get in touch. He soon remarried and had two children. His getting in touch consisted of minimal calls with months and years in between. He would ask 'how are you girl?' I often wondered if he had forgotten my name.

    My mother attempted to be both father and mother, and would chastise me when I asked about my father or tried to understand his inability to connect. Her standard answer was 'well you have me.' Yes I had her, but it never made up for the yearning I had and still have to have had a father.

    Oh, this isn't just let me fill you in with my longings and regrets, because I was fortunate to have a grandfather who was involved in my life, but it never totally filled the gap. He helped to make up for what I felt I had not been gifted with. But great fathers help girls choose great partners. If they are actively involved in their daughters' lives and show their strengths and sensitivities they can make it much easier for a woman to find someone that will be value driven and family oriented. When you have not had that male modeling you often choose men who do not have the goods, and you spin your wheels trying to provide them with the information.

    I often counsel individuals to 'find the bless in the mess,' and if there is one constant for me it is that I have two fabulous sons, who are amazing parents. I have watched them tend to their children as I would have liked to have been tended to: with compassion, tenderness and humor. And so for me Father's Day may not be my favorite day, but it is one that brings me pride in joy in having helped create sons who are the epitome of fatherhood.

  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
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• Buckle Up, Motherhood Is a Jou Buckle Up, Motherhood Is a Journey

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    My mother and I have always had a relationship rife with difficulties. I know she did her best, but I desperately wanted to be the mother I thought she never was...a 'leave it to Beaver' mom, patient, loving, kind, and adoring of her children. My intentions were of the highest, but all things seem possible when they are based in fantasy. Reality is an entirely different situation.

    When I finally became a mother at the very tender age of twenty, I was thrown for a loop. Who knew that children needed so much attention and could be so exhausting? I had three kids by the time I was twenty six and I did my best, but they -- like me -- made vows to parent differently.

    My kids have eleven children between them and they are all great parents. However, I see shades of my mother and myself in their parenting styles. The old saying that the acorn does not fall from the tree is right on the money. Unfortunately, sometimes its 'nuts' that fall instead of acorns.

    The bottom line is that being a mother is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. There are no instructions that come with a baby. You simply strap on your seat belt and go for the ride of your life, hoping for a safe landing. You can only hope that in the end you will help guide your children into being loving, kind, and decent human beings who are not self-centered ego maniacs.

    Give yourself kudos this Mother's Day. You deserve it!

  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
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• This Too Shall Pass: Coping Wi This Too Shall Pass: Coping With the Stress of Caregiving

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    Over the past ten years I have tried to help my mother navigate the health system. She is currently ninety eight, living in a nursing home, and failing more and more each day. She was diagnosed with a form of Parkinson’s called Lewey Body, which affects the brain in a rather insidious way. My mother will be hallucinating one day, believing she is talking to her deceased father, and then the very next day will be present and alert. I am her only child and we have always had a very push/pull type of relationship. I am fortunate that my son lives nearby. He visits her as well, which helps with the burden.

     

    I am writing this to share with those of you out there who are experiencing this or will experience a situation very similar. Many women today are juggling numerous roles. They not only work, but also take care of their children, homes, and elderly parents. There is a great deal of research on how taking care of others who are ill or dying compromises our immunity and accelerates aging due to the amount of stress inherent in the process. At the end of the chromosome is a telomere, which acts as a bookend. Telomeres keep chromosomes protected. Researchers can use the length of a cell's telomeres to determine the cell's age and how many more times it will replicate. This is important in anti-aging research. When a cell stops replicating it enters into a period of decline as 'cell senescence,' which is the cellular equivalent of aging.

    I have found my own stress level to have increased substantially in the last few months as my mother’s prognosis worsens. Each day brings the possibility of her death closer. My visits to the nursing home are filled with sadness and I am faced with my own aging process more and more. I am sure that many of you have had to confront this situation or others that make life more difficult and diminish your ability to care for yourself.

     

    The irony is that it is even more important than ever to try to create healthy patterns that will sustain you through this time in your life. I have found massages invaluable, as well as exercising, eating as well as I can, and spending time with good friends and family. Keeping distracted whenever possible with positive experiences helps give the body/mind and spirit a respite from responsibility.

     

    When you're going through a stressful period, try a funny movie, throw a pot luck dinner together, take a ballroom dancing lesson, or chill out with a great book. Most importantly, keep in mind that you are strong and resilient and that 'this too shall pass.'

     

    Please let me know what kinds of things you've done through your difficult times.

     

    Loretta

    Editor's Note: If you are caring for a loved one with a chronic or disabling condition, here are some resources that may help

    • StrengthforCaring.com
    • Family Caregiver Alliance
    • American Society on Aging
    • Maturity Health Matters
    • National Council on the Aging
    • Well Spouse Association
    • National Family Caregivers Association
  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
  • Views: 100
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• Life Is Not a Stress Rehearsal Life Is Not a Stress Rehearsal

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    Not a day passes without some media article that discusses something or someone that we should fear. We have moved into a time where life is becoming a stress rehearsal.
    
    Unfortunately the end result of fear is that the body must react by emitting chemicals that are useful for a fight or flight response. This is a reasonable concept when one is in imminent danger. However, for the most part our lives are not a daily escape from the threat of being eaten by a saber toothed tiger. It would behoove all of us to start to consider how often we want to dance with the 'reptilian brain,' which is the oldest part of the brain and the area that helps drive fear.
    
    Love is the counterpoint to fear and part of a higher wisdom, and is more in alignment with the neo-cortex, which helps us to evaluate a situation and keep us calm. I have often recommended that my workshop attendees buy a plastic snake and a heart and keep it next to their beds. Every day choose how you wish your day to unfold. If you want to catastrophise and awfulize, choose the snake. If you choose love then you have also chosen to live in appreciation. When we appreciate what we have and who we have in our lives it is often harder to be stressed.
    
    Does this mean that we put blinders on and go through life pretending that all is well? Absolutely not! The goal is to understand that the human condition is strengthened by thoughts and behaviors that favor resiliency. So let’s take some time off from worrying about what possible problem might be around the corner and think instead of how to make our lives filled with possibilities. First, make an appreciation inventory. Read it often and add to it weekly. Do it with friends, family and co-workers. Second, make a list of fifty things you want to do before you leave this planet, which garners feelings of hope. And third, assess your energy. Do you feel zesty and enthusiastic? If not, why not? You may not be taking good care of yourself, or you may have some emotional vampires in your life that you have to cut loose and stop transfusing with your blood. It’s hard to live a fulfilling life when you’re feeling drained.
    
    Please share your thoughts with me; I'd love to hear from you.

  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
  • Views: 111
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• Juicy Living, Juicy Aging Juicy Living, Juicy Aging

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:
    Editor's Note: For those of you in the northeast, you may want to participate in the taping of Lorreta LaRoche's new PBS television show, 'Juicy Living, Juicy Aging,' at the Duxbury Performing Arts Center in Duxbury, Massachusetts. Click here for more information.
  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
  • Views: 90
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• Be Afraid...Very Afraid! Be Afraid...Very Afraid!

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    It seems that over the last several years the news has become more and more geared towards scaring the living hell out of us. I just heard that we shouldn't always believe the labels on cans. There was no follow up information, so I really don’t know what I should be aware of. Do I now pick up a can of tomato paste and start to wonder if it might contain glue? I'm beginning to think that I have to be afraid from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to bed! The morning news will invariably alert me to a storm that's in the near future...even if it's currently a beautiful day. If there's no storm in the immediate vicinity, they'll report on one that's a thousand miles away...just in case I want to get ready. If I have a cup of coffee I have to sort out numerous studies that have been done on caffeine, and make a decision if I want to enhance my memory or get gallstones. I can't put sugar in the coffee because sugar has become part of a demonic food group. Sugar could make you act like a rabid dog. You might start biting your mate or the sofa. Then there's traffic. If you plan to go out, you need to start worrying in advance about the possibility of a bottleneck. After all, you could be trapped in your car for days and have to be pried out by the jaws of life. Once you get to your workplace, hopefully you've brought your air purifier, face mask, and large bottle of Purelle. Bacteria is everywhere and you have to take the time to swipe everything you touch -- or that anyone else touches -- or there is a huge possibility you will come down with a virus that ends up eating your flesh. Mega viruses are getting a lot of press. They're sweeping through America, along with toe fungus, mites, male pattern baldness, warts, and a variety of allergies. Even sleeping is a problem. You can never be sure that you haven't brought home bed bugs from your last vacation. If you wake up with red welts on your body, you're in trouble, or maybe you just got lucky. If they itch the latter is not the answer. Just in case you do have a restful night, don't feel good for too long because who knows...feeling good might be bad for you!

  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
  • Views: 99
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