7 Search Results for "funny"

• It's Another Be Good to Mother It's Another Be Good to Mother's Day: Are We Even Yet?

  • From: DrBHibbs
  • Description:

    Like most kids at a young age, I didn’t quite get why there was a Mother’s Day, and there wasn’t a Kid’s Day–not realizing that every day was a kid’s day. Kids of course do realize that Moms are valuable. They get up with us in the middle of the night when we’ve had a bad dream; kiss our boo-boos; suffer the fate of reminding us to make our beds, only to have us very peeved at being reminded. And of course Moms remind us of all they went through in that funny state called pregnancy. When I was around five I repeatedly asked in public (no doubt too loudly), if every woman with a belly was pregnant. I finally got the prototype distinguishing fat from pregnant figured out.

    From a kid’s vantage point, Mother’s Day is that one day a year when you can finally get to even. Parents think it’s give, give, give, but  from a child’s perspective it’s normal to be on the receiving end–after all you’re the kid.   But just for good measure, on Mother’s Day  you’ll go a little out of your way.  Come Sunday, kids to the 83 million mothers in the U.S. will  give  painted macaroni bracelets (the one I got many years ago is still in my top drawer); or flower pots with a small seedling so that Mom has one more thing she can tend to; or a breakfast of eggs and toast served bedside; or a crayon drawing; or an after-school project of a  lanyard made  of carefully collected gum wrappers; years later  you’ll have her over  for Sunday brunch in your home.

    It takes a few decades to realize that you’ll never be even. There is no quid pro quo in the parent-child relationship–it’s a Ponzi scheme–pay-it-forward. But children hopefully can know that their irreplaceable gift is of themselves. It’s the everyday gift of the gummy grin of a 4-month old; it’s the school kid’s effort to make a parent proud with good grades; it’s trusting enough to share a confidence; it’s the courage to risk hurting your Mom’s feelings, because you want a better, fairer relationship;  it’s the gift of finding meaningful ways to stay connected despite your imperfections and hers. On this Mother’s Day, to children, growing and grown, mothers, young and old…treasure the everyday gifts you give to each other, and know that you’ll never be even.

  • Blog post
  • 4 months ago
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• Love Is Worth Fighting For: Mo Love Is Worth Fighting For: Moving from Caregiver to Care Partners

  • From: TeenaCahillPsyD
  • Description:

    Life and my professional experience have taught me that love can actually be a selfish emotion. If I love my husband, for example, only I can feel it. What really makes a relationship work is when we love someone the way they want to be loved. What really, really makes a relationship work is when the way they want to be loved is the way we want to love!

    I am also firmly convinced that whatever trait draws you to a person will also be the trait that, eventually, will drive you the craziest! 

    I met Brooks, my second husband, in a seedy bar. He objects to the word seedy. He is wrong. 

    You see, my first marriage had dissolved and I had packed up the three kids and headed off to get my doctorate in psychology. To bring in extra money, I taught undergraduate college courses at a nearby Air Force base. My girlfriend called me one night, said she met a guy who she knew was going to be at the "seedy" bar next to the base where I taught, and that I HAD to go there with her because she was afraid to go alone. I protested, but eventually agreed. (When you are a single parent with three kids, in graduate school, and are teaching...you have many debts to repay!)

    Needless to say, I drove my own car. Of course within five minutes she dumped me, and I was ticked. So I climbed up on a high bar stool to see if I could find her when this guy with twinkling eyes came up and said, "You don't look very happy." In my most unsure moment I gasped, "I don't belong here. I'm the psychology instructor!" No matter how insecure you might be when you are alone in a singles bar, you can never be more pathetic than me!

    Brooks laughed. 

    This was almost thirty years ago when he was the Commanding Officer of a squadron of Marine Corps Reserve fighter pilots who were on a training mission, and a co-captain with a major international airline. My mother would have freaked!

    I tell our story in my book, The Cahill Factor: Turning adversity into Advantage (SterlingHouse Publisher/Amazon.com), and my girlfriend, Dr. Eileen Kennedy Moore, a psychologist and author, captured our relationship best when she wrote this blurb for the book: "The Cahill Factor is a story about courage and resilience, but it's mostly a story about love-not abstract or romantic sentiment, but the honest, gritty, feisty, and tenacious love that is the miracle of everyday life. Read it and be inspired."  I'm not so sure about the inspired part, but I am very sure about the gritty and tenacious part!

    Brooks invited me to have a drink, and we talked about our shared love of history, tennis and kids. I then decided to leave because I knew if I stayed longer, I wouldn't want to leave at all. He suggested we meet at the Air Force base tennis courts in the morning, but I declined, telling him I was playing baseball with my kids in a family game at the university.

    The next morning, to my astonishment, Brooks found his way to the university baseball game, hit the ball out of the park, and left me stammering when the kids asked me "Mommy, who is that man?" I mean, how do you tell the kids, "Oh, kids, last night when you were with the babysitter, I met this nice man at a seedy bar?!" (I subscribe to the psychological belief that it is best to make sure someone is going to be in your life for a while before the kids meet them. Fighter pilots are different than psychologists.)

    It was clear from the night before that there had been a powerful and mutual attraction between the two of us. For me it was about meeting a man so strong and grounded, that I felt free to be as strong as I am. Brooks, like most guys, would say it was about something else!

    Before marrying Brooks I would have told you all the variables that can make a marriage work. But after marrying Brooks I have decided there is only one reason to marry someone: because you like him.

    I did not need a husband and my kids did not need a Dad (they have a loving Dad). I married Brooks because I liked being with him. He feels like a vacation after a busy day, and I admire his risk taking, determination, tenacity, and courage. These, of course, are the traits that make me the craziest too -- and I am fairly sure he would say the same about me.

    Here is why it really matters that you own yourself and know what you like and do not like in a partner before committing. (Never be the "other half" of anyone and don't look for the other half of you, either. Two halves do NOT make a relationship work. Two wholes are way stronger than two halves.) Seven years into our marriage -- after combining kids, pets, and individual careers -- Brooks and I went to bed one night and by morning he was given no chance to live. In the middle of the night he had a cerebral hemorrhage, then a stroke, and eventually a spinal cord injury. While this was not the path we planned, it is the path we have been on for twenty years.

    In the early hours of this crisis, I sat next to his bed basically waiting for him to die. No one held out much hope and I could see with my own eyes he was getting worse. I cried and just sat there looking at the green institutional walls of the ICU when suddenly I said to myself, as I describe in my book, "They told me 12 hours ago he was going to die and he didn't. They told me 6 hours ago he was going to die and he didn't. And they told me an hour ago he was going to die and he didn't. Here's what I am going to do: I am going to plan on him living and when he dies I'll deal with it then. I wasn't in denial (I used to teach psychophysiology, after all). I knew we were in trouble."

    But my textbook learning had kicked in and I thought of Aaron Beck, Cyril Franks, and all of the early researchers into Cognitive Behavioral Psychology who taught us -- through research and clinical application -- that our thoughts affect our feelings, and our feelings affect our behaviors. Their work showed how important it is to make choices about how we look at things. (Clue to you: as often as possible, see what is right, not wrong about people and situations.)

    This change in my thinking led me to call a neurosurgeon to consult with my husband, whom I thought could make it. The guy came, operated within an hour, and -- almost twenty years later -- Brooks is sitting across the room reading and listening to the news as I write this blog. That simple change in thinking changed the direction of our lives.

    Now it would be bad form for me to take credit for him living. It was good luck, a good surgeon, the grace of God, and Brooks' inherent strength. But the fact is, my change in thinking led the way. (Well, maybe not for the God part!)

    I would prefer my husband not have all of these challenges. But I will tell you that I learned more from that moment than I ever learned from a textbook or any other experience in my life. Trust me, there was a lot wrong with Brooks that day in ICU. Most others saw all the things that were wrong, but I chose to see his strength...and mine.

    Brooks is a tough guy. I sometimes call him the most stubborn man in the world and he has been known to use the stubborn word with me too! We still go head to head, speak from our authenticity, and have differing views of many situations. We have rarely agreed on anything political, or how I should drive the car. (Don't get me started!)

    But what is right is that we have the same values. We care about others, the family and the world -- even though we may have differing ideas as to how to solve the problems. And we like each other, laugh easily, and neither of us needs the other to be whole.

    Brooks has been unable to walk unaided for years and has many challenges. Many would see me in a caregiving role. And I am. Except I choose to think about that differently too.

    Here's the deal...

    I do not want to be a caregiver. The term caregiver makes me think I have to give care all the time and get nothing in return. I do not agree with those who call caregiving a sacred honor. I mean, I love my husband and often care for him, but caregiving can be even grittier than love!

    Thinking of myself as a caregiver makes me feel isolated. Then, I feel tired and, eventually, I'll feel resentful. I do not want to feel resentful because I love Brooks, I like to feel that love, and I want to love him the way he wants to be loved. If I am resentful or angry then it would be all about me and not so good for either of us. Resentfulness would turn our authentic and gritty love into a concrete wall.

    I also refuse to see Brooks as only a care receiver. He is much more than that. 

    Brooks takes care of me in many ways. He still feels like a vacation when I head home from a speaking engagement or from my clinical office. I look forward to his smile, his kindness, and maybe a kiss or hand holding in bed while watching TV or talking. And I EXCECT him to DELIVER and love me the way I like to be loved. If he sees himself as unable to give to me, too, he will not love me the way I want to be loved. Then, we both lose.

    I like this guy, but I also have expectations of him. It would be disrespectful to him if I didn't demand he care for me too. And it is not healthy or self-esteem building for any physically or cognitively challenged person to not have responsibilities commensurate with their abilities. We all need to know there are expectations of us, and that we can succeed at these expectations.

    So I am not only a caregiver and Brooks is not only a care receiver. We are CARE PARTNERS! We're two wholes making up a team. These words alone change and define our relationship (thoughts create feelings, which create behaviors...remember?).

    This cognitive reframe sets me up to feel less alone, to go forward in the ways that are authentic to me, to take risks, and to know that my independence is a big part of what Brooks loves about me.

    This changed paradigm from caregiver to care partners, allows me to love Brooks without resentment and in the ways he likes to be loved. It sets Brooks up to know his value to me and to the world,  to understand and feel that while many situations have changed, he still owns the power to love me the way I like to be loved.

    We remain the two stubborn, determined, tough, fun loving, and funny people we were the night we met. And as care partners, the love affair continues...no matter what.

    Love is worth fighting for...especially in situations where it could be lost.  

  • Blog post
  • 5 months ago
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• My almost first half marathon My almost first half marathon

  • From: elizabeth
  • Description:

    Back in the fitness enthusiasm that January always seems to inspire, I signed up for a half marathon in the spring.  At the time I was only running maybe 1 to 2 miles. My summer and fall fitness favorites were swimming and biking. Since the winter in the northeast isnt conducive to either, I decided to take up running again.

    I got off to a great start. By following a training program I was  gradually running longer distances. In a brief period of time I was up to 3 miles which isn't much for most runners but felt like a long distance to me.  Then I was up to 4 miles.  Unfortunately, the day that I ran 5 miles was the day after I rode my bike a long distance over hilly terrain. As a result, my muscles were fatigued and I grew very tired and frustrated. So I gave up. Completely. I just retreated to my fitness center and went back to strength training deciding that maybe my running days were behind me. After all, on a bike one can coast and in the water one can float.

    Then race day came. I had decided to just try the 5k. Running 3.2 miles seemed doable. Plus I was committing to participating. Especially since two of my friends had volunteered to help out at the race since I had planned to run it.

    On the way to the run a funny thing happened. I started wondering if I should just try the half marathon afterwards. Encouraged by my friends, who are both marathoners, I decided to try the half. Afterall, I could always drop out or take a long walk. And, odds were that I would go longer than if I just did the 5k.

    So I took off on the course with 1800 other runners.  I didn't finish but I did complete 8 miles. When I got tired I walked some of the course. But the fact that I completed 8 miles made me feel great and it's inspired me to believe that if I go back to training I could actually complete a half marathon. So that's my goal. I think that if you always set your expectations higher, maybe even higher than are realistic at the time...).like by trying a half marathon when you havent trained!.......), that you're still likely to achieve more than if you expected less of yourself.  So now I am going to start running again. And since there usually arent blizzards in the summer maybe I will have a better shot at the next one!

  • Blog post
  • 6 months ago
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• Leave Me Alone Leave Me Alone

  • From: erose18
  • Description:

    Hilarious music video about caregiving elderly mother.  Produced by Elizabeth Rose, this video has been honored by NY's Care for the Family Caregiver annual gala, Nov 2009, sponsored by Emblem Health.

  • 6 months ago
  • Views: 22
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• Nothing to Fear But the Flu It Nothing to Fear But the Flu Itself

  • From: SaralynMarkMD
  • Description:

    I remember the moment when I first heard about the H1N1 pandemic flu, formerly known as Swine Flu. It was a quiet Saturday morning near the near the end of April when news began to break about cases of people dying of a new infection in Mexico. This infection had all the hallmarks of a serious public health crisis: a new 'bug,' young people dying, and an infection spreading quickly through the population. After working on the public health response to SARS in 2003 and for a potential avian influenza or bird flu pandemic in 2005, I had a feeling we were in for a wild ride.

    Within days, shelves in stores were wiped clean of hand sanitizers, gloves, and face masks. Tamiflu, an anti-viral medication which can decrease the severity of infection, was becoming hard to find. The media began reporting on cases of H1N1 infection in the United States. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) started holding news conferences and teleconferences with doctors around the nation. We knew that we were in the midst of a potential pandemic, and the severity and impact was hard to predict.

    With each new case, the level of fear began to grow. Talk about the 1918 “Spanish flu” increased. The first wave from that flu was mild and then it came back with a vengeance. Millions of people died around the world. Stories of how healthy people dropped dead within hours with blood oozing from their eyes and mouth just escalated our anxiety of what could be around the corner for all of us today.

    The funny or perhaps odd thing was that I never placed the nation's pandemic plan in my bookcase in my office at NASA; instead I kept the giant binder next to my desk. Perhaps it gave me a sense of confidence that we were ready for anything. The interesting thing was that the plan was designed for an infection that occurred overseas such as in Asia-we were expecting bird flu not a home grown variety from our own continent. The Vice President took a bit of flak for suggesting that it may not be a good thing to take public transportation and to fly. He was actually correct according to our pandemic plan but the challenge was that the bug had originated over here. Social distancing which is what the Vice President was suggesting would have potentially worked if the virus had not yet spread widely-it would have helped to slow down the infection.

    Over the past few weeks, I have been giving briefings on the H1N1 flu to NASA and its occupational health clinics. NASA has always done an outstanding job tackling health emergencies which impact their employees -- from the devastation of Katrina in 2005 to the anthrax scare. I recently attended the White House Summit on Flu which was held at the National Institutes of Health (NIH). Leaders from the Department of Health and Human Services, Department of Homeland Security, and the Department of Education, as well several governors and public health officials from every state, were in attendance. Even the President participated from his meetings in Italy. Discussion about a new vaccine and who would get top priority was discussed -- namely health care workers, children, pregnant women, and adults with underlying conditions. We hope to have a vaccine ready for mid-October. There are concerns that folks will need two shots to be effectively immunized since our immune systems have not been exposed to this virus before.

    I have been concerned that women, especially pregnant women, are at high risk for complications. Animal studies have shown that females may be more resistant to H1N1 infection compared to males, but once they are infected, they mount a very vigorous inflammatory response which can cause more secretions, leading to pneumonia in the lungs. Pregnant women may lose that resistance because their immune systems have changed so that they do not reject the fetus, yet they still have a strong inflammatory response. It may also be harder to ventilate a woman who is pregnant because of the increased resistance and pressure on the lungs from her pregnancy. The positive side to this may be that women may only require one shot or a smaller dosage to be immunized. Studies are now underway to assess what is needed. We know that women can have more side effects to vaccinations and that women are more likely to develop auto-immune diseases compared to men in general. So this is an important area to investigate.

    I am concerned that the fall will be a difficult time. Kids are coming back to school and, if summer camp infections are any indication, schools may be another hot bed for infections. We will just have to see what happens and be ready. Closing schools can slow down infection rates, but it is also challenging for families, as parents need to work and some children get many meals at schools. In the meantime, schools are preparing for distance learning just in case.

    We will also have the seasonal flu vaccine available, probably starting in September. Keep in mind that this will not protect you from pandemic flu. Pandemic vaccines will be given through public health departments. Surveillance or checking for side effects will be closely followed, especially since this is a new vaccine. We learned some important lessons from the 1976 swine flu vaccine program. More people died from the vaccine than they did from the swine flu in 1976.

    I have found that with information and with honest communication, we can keep the fear level down. Fear can cause bad decisions and keep people from living their best life possible. We will learn a great deal as we move forward. There may be times of confusion, but this is understandable. As long as we keep an open mind and ask good questions, we will get through this new pandemic -- the first one of this century.

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  • 1 year ago
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• This Too Shall Pass: Coping Wi This Too Shall Pass: Coping With the Stress of Caregiving

  • From: LorettaLaRoche
  • Description:

    Over the past ten years I have tried to help my mother navigate the health system. She is currently ninety eight, living in a nursing home, and failing more and more each day. She was diagnosed with a form of Parkinson’s called Lewey Body, which affects the brain in a rather insidious way. My mother will be hallucinating one day, believing she is talking to her deceased father, and then the very next day will be present and alert. I am her only child and we have always had a very push/pull type of relationship. I am fortunate that my son lives nearby. He visits her as well, which helps with the burden.

     

    I am writing this to share with those of you out there who are experiencing this or will experience a situation very similar. Many women today are juggling numerous roles. They not only work, but also take care of their children, homes, and elderly parents. There is a great deal of research on how taking care of others who are ill or dying compromises our immunity and accelerates aging due to the amount of stress inherent in the process. At the end of the chromosome is a telomere, which acts as a bookend. Telomeres keep chromosomes protected. Researchers can use the length of a cell's telomeres to determine the cell's age and how many more times it will replicate. This is important in anti-aging research. When a cell stops replicating it enters into a period of decline as 'cell senescence,' which is the cellular equivalent of aging.

    I have found my own stress level to have increased substantially in the last few months as my mother’s prognosis worsens. Each day brings the possibility of her death closer. My visits to the nursing home are filled with sadness and I am faced with my own aging process more and more. I am sure that many of you have had to confront this situation or others that make life more difficult and diminish your ability to care for yourself.

     

    The irony is that it is even more important than ever to try to create healthy patterns that will sustain you through this time in your life. I have found massages invaluable, as well as exercising, eating as well as I can, and spending time with good friends and family. Keeping distracted whenever possible with positive experiences helps give the body/mind and spirit a respite from responsibility.

     

    When you're going through a stressful period, try a funny movie, throw a pot luck dinner together, take a ballroom dancing lesson, or chill out with a great book. Most importantly, keep in mind that you are strong and resilient and that 'this too shall pass.'

     

    Please let me know what kinds of things you've done through your difficult times.

     

    Loretta

    Editor's Note: If you are caring for a loved one with a chronic or disabling condition, here are some resources that may help

    • StrengthforCaring.com
    • Family Caregiver Alliance
    • American Society on Aging
    • Maturity Health Matters
    • National Council on the Aging
    • Well Spouse Association
    • National Family Caregivers Association
  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
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• Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

  • From: PepperSchwartzPhD
  • Description:

    Written prior to Christmas...

    
    

    I am stuck in the house today. I live in the foothills of the Cascades, about 45 minutes outside of Seattle, and while the area is beautiful, it's treacherous in bad weather. And bad weather is what we seem to have had for the last week. Seattle, even in the Cascade foothills, usually has weenie winters...a few days of snow, maybe...and it's over. But not this year. We are getting snowstorms that would be noteworthy in Denver -- and it has closed down a lot of the city and the countryside.
    
    I've been rather enjoying it. Since I am chicken about these icy roads and snow drifts, I've let my adult son, daughter, and boyfriend pick me up and cart me around. The bonus has been that they've stayed over: We've had long fireside chats over a glass of wine and trudged through the snow down to the barn to feed the horses some carrots when the snow let up. It's been luxuious time with my children. They are in their early twenties, not yet married...and I know this kind of time with them is fleeting. I've already been luckier than most to have it this late in their lives.
    
    Adversity has been even more bonding. My poor daughter Ryder drove in to be with me before she spends Christmas eve with her boyfriend's family while I spend it with my boyfriend's family (we Jews are pretty flexible about Christmas attendance!). She got her big rig up my steep icy driveway and we got down it with some precarious sliding. We went out to dinner in the small town near the house and then, and here comes our mistake, attempted to take the truck back up the driveway. This proved to be a really bad idea and, as I type, the truck is still stuck in the middle of the drive way -- its axle resting over one part of the hill and its left rear wheels in a depression made for water run off . Five towing companies have dismissed us out of hand ('wait till the weather changes'); one says they're coming, but I'm not very hopeful.
    
    Ryder and I have decided that our only option is to open a good bottle of wine, which we have. A half a bottle later, the whole thing seems a bit more funny than aggravating, although I don't know if we will feel that way when the tow truck bill arrives. Still there is nothing better than a good cabernet to take the edge off of mundane miseries.
    
    These enforced stays have their downsides. But between some major great cuddling with my guy the other night and some memorable musings with my kids -- fireplace flickering in the background -- I can't say I am anxious for the snow to go away.

  • Blog post
  • 1 year ago
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